A few days ago, we had the opportunity to meet a grandfather whose children had completed their Hifz of the Qur’an through the local Maktab system. MashaAllah, out of his five sons, four are Huffaz, whilst the fifth is nearly halfway through his Hifz. His daughter is also doing her Hifz. Alongside this, his children include doctors and engineers, whilst some are also in the final years of their Alimiyyah studies.
This is a family who, at one point, had only one Mushaf to share between five families due to the civil war in their home country and Islamophobia. Today, the Qur’an is in the hearts of their children and reflected in their actions. May Allah preserve them all.
As we sat with him, we took the opportunity to ask about the Tarbiyah of children and, in particular, the upbringing of children who go on to become Huffaz and students of Islamic knowledge.
He is a very pious, humble and down-to-earth individual. Initially, he was reluctant to offer any advice, particularly as he was sitting in a gathering surrounded by Ulama. He humbly remarked, “What advice can I possibly give?” However, after Mawlana Dr Aqib encouraged him to share his experiences, he began to open up.
I have noted down a number of lessons that I felt would be beneficial to share. These are not merely parenting tips; they are reminders of the importance of a parent’s own relationship with Allah, the Qur’an, the Masjid and the people of Deen. For parents who aspire to see their children become Huffaz and Ulama, there is much to reflect upon.
1. Make the intention before the children even come into the world
He mentioned that many years ago, even before he had children, he had already made the intention that his children would become Huffaz of the Qur’an. In fact, before getting married, he had already chosen and written down honourable Islamic names for his future children, with the intention that they would all grow up upon Deen. He had made a firm Niyyah that all his children would memorise the Qur’an and would regularly make Du’a to Allah that each of them would have the title of Hafiz before their name.
SubhanAllah, look at the power of a sincere intention. Before his children had even entered this world, their father was already thinking about their relationship with the Qur’an and the legacy he wanted to leave behind.
How many parents spend months planning gender reveals, baby showers and every detail of their children’s worldly education and future careers? Which nurseries and schools will they attend? Which area is best for their worldly prospects? *Yet, how much thought do we give to their religious future?*
A child may not yet have been born, but a parent’s Du’as, intentions and aspirations for their religious upbringing can begin long before that.
2. Keep the company of the people in Tabligh
He mentioned that he is an ordinary individual with no scholarly background. However, he would always seek the company of the pious. He would regularly invite people from Jamaat to his home, host them and provide them with food. He and his wife would personally look after their needs and serve them with great care, going out of their way to make them comfortable.
Despite the modest size of their home, it would be filled with guests who were out in the path of Allah.
There is a great lesson here. When a household has a connection with the people of Deen, it creates an environment in which the love of Deen becomes familiar to the children.
Children observe who enters their homes, whom their parents respect, whom they spend time with and what conversations take place around them. If a child regularly sees their parents honouring Ulama, serving the people of Deen and showing respect to those connected to the Qur’an, these things leave a lasting impression upon their hearts.
His home was small, but his heart was big.
Today, we often host lavish parties and weddings, but when it comes to hosting and supporting the efforts of those involved in Tabligh and the work of Deen, we can sometimes be reluctant. There is much for us to reflect upon.
3. Make sacrifices to pray every Salah in the Masjid
He mentioned that, for 25 years, he would walk approximately two kilometres to attend Salah in the Masjid. He would never miss a prayer in the Masjid with Jamaat. So much so that, at times, his family would tell him to take some rest and pray at home, but he remained committed to attending the Masjid.
He emphasised the importance of making every effort to perform each Salah in Jama’ah.
*The attachment of children to the Masjid often begins with the attachment of their parents to the Masjid.*
This is something worth reflecting upon. We want our children to become attached to the Masjid, but what example are we setting ourselves? If our children see us making every effort to attend Salah in the Masjid, they begin to understand its importance. If they see us constantly making excuses, they learn from that too.
4. Have excellent Adab with people
He repeatedly emphasised the importance of good character and Adab when dealing with people. *A person may be religious, knowledgeable or actively involved in Deen, but the way they treat others is equally important.*
Children learn far more from what they see than from what they are simply told. The way we speak to people, how we treat our neighbours, how we behave towards those who disagree with us and how we deal with those who have less than us all form part of their Tarbiyah.
A household in which parents demonstrate humility, kindness and good character is itself a place of learning.
5. Never write anyone off
One particularly striking piece of advice he gave was:
“Never think that this person will never amount to anything, or that this person will never become anything, and then give up on them.”
He gave an example from his own life. Many years ago, he would give Dawah to an individual who regularly consumed alcohol. At the time, he thought to himself that it was impossible for this person to change.
However, approximately 35 years later, he happened to encounter this same individual again. To his surprise, this person was now in Jamaat, accompanied by his son, who had become an Alim!
SubhanAllah! We do not know what Allah has written for a person. Someone who appears distant from Deen today may become a means of great Khidmah tomorrow. Never underestimate the power of sincere Dawah, patience and Du’a.
This is also an important lesson in the Tarbiyah of children. Never label a child as weak, incapable or unlikely to succeed. Do not give up on them simply because they are struggling today.
A child who is finding Hifz difficult today may, by the permission of Allah, become a Hafiz tomorrow. Our responsibility is to continue nurturing, encouraging and making Du’a for them.
6. If there is no Maktab, create an environment of Qur’an
He mentioned that, whilst living in France, he was in an area where there was no Maktab or established Qur’an learning facility. However, he was determined that his children, as well as the local Muslim children, should have a connection with the Qur’an.
Although he had no teaching experience or background, and there were no scholars in the area, he was determined to take the initiative and do something to support the next generation.
Rather than accepting the situation, he took matters into his own hands. He sourced someone with some Qur’anic background and began gathering young children from the area, encouraging them to come and read the Qur’an. Every weekend, he would also provide food for the children and their parents.
He did not wait for someone else to establish something. He simply tried to do whatever he could with the means available to him. Eventually, they had around 30 students attending regularly.
He then mentioned that he had visited the same place a few years ago. Alhamdulillah, today, more than 300 children are attending and learning at an established centre for Qur’anic studies.
Allahu Akbar! Think about that for a moment. What began with the efforts of one individual, who simply wanted children to learn the Qur’an, has now developed into an environment in which hundreds of children are benefiting.
Sometimes, we underestimate what Allah can bring about through a small, sincere effort. You may begin with a handful of children, a small room and a few hours of your time, but the reward and impact of that effort may continue for generations.
Do not always wait for the perfect facilities, the perfect location or the perfect circumstances. Start with what you have.
Another important lesson is that you do not need to be a scholar or Shaykh to become involved in propagating Deen and serving the religion of Allah. Everyone can contribute in some way, according to their ability and circumstances.
7. Parents must have their own connection with the Qur’an and Deen
Perhaps one of the most important underlying messages from our conversation was that *parents themselves must have a strong connection with Deen.*
He emphasised that we should try to perform every Salah in Jama’ah, maintain a regular connection with the Masjid, have a daily relationship with the Qur’an and keep the company of the righteous and people of knowledge.
Deen should be an integral part of the household, not something confined to Maktab hours.
We sometimes expect the Maktab to do everything. We send our children for a few hours, expecting the teachers to instil in them the love of the Qur’an, Salah, Adab and Deen. However, what happens when they return home?
If a child spends an hour in Maktab learning the Qur’an but returns to a home where the Qur’an is rarely recited, Salah is neglected and Deen is not given importance, there is a clear contradiction in the environment surrounding that child.
The Maktab cannot replace the home, and the teacher cannot replace the parents.
8. Even the small things matter
He made a very interesting observation. He mentioned that even when parents come to collect their children from Maktab, they should be mindful of their own behaviour.
For example, a parent sitting in the car, occupied with their iPhone whilst waiting for their child, may not realise that even these seemingly small habits can have an effect. Similarly, parking on double yellow lines and obstructing traffic are things that parents should be mindful of.
Our children are constantly observing us. What do they see when they come out of Maktab? Do they see parents who are interested in what they have learnt, who ask them to recite their lesson and encourage them? *Or do they see parents who are distracted and preoccupied with their phones?*
Tarbiyah is not limited to formal lessons or scheduled conversations. It takes place in the smallest moments of everyday life.
If we want our children to give importance to the Qur’an, they need to see that we give importance to it ourselves.
A few reflections for parents
There is a great deal to take away from this conversation. We often speak about wanting our children to become Huffaz, Ulama and people of Deen. We make Du’a for this, and rightly so. However, are we prepared to make the sacrifices that accompany these aspirations?
Have we made a sincere intention for the religious future of our children? Do our children see us attending the Masjid regularly? Do they see us reciting the Qur’an at home? Do we honour the Ulama and the people of Deen? Are we conscious of the company our children keep? Do we encourage them when they struggle, or do we become impatient? Are we creating an environment in which Deen is lived, rather than merely taught?
One important point to remember is that becoming a Hafiz is not simply about completing 30 Juzz. It is about nurturing a lifelong relationship with the Qur’an. We want our children to love it, respect it, recite it, revise it, understand its teachings and live by it.
Ultimately, we must remember that Hidayah and acceptance are from Allah. Our responsibility is to make the effort, adopt the necessary means, make Du’a and place our trust in Him.
Perhaps the greatest lesson from this grandfather is that he did not simply want his children to learn the Qur’an. *He tried to build a life and an environment around them in which the Qur’an was at the centre.*
May Allah Tala accept his efforts, preserve his children upon the Qur’an, grant them Ikhlas and Istiqamah, and make them a source of Sadaqah Jariyah for their parents.
May Allah Tala grant all our children the love of the Qur’an, make them Huffaz and Ulama who practise upon what they learn, and allow the Qur’an to remain in our homes and in the hearts of our future generations.
Ameen.
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